I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
Randomize
