another moral hangover. fuck.
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Randomize
