you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
