she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
Help. Why am I so naked?
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