I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
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