She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
this will be a night to untag.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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