Swine flu is the new snow day.
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Randomize
