I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
