wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
No...this little piggys going to the bar
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
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