where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
Randomize
