btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
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