They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
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