she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
