farters have to be the big spoon...
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
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