According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
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