Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
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