Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
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