i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
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