you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Randomize
