the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
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