what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
