I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
Randomize
