I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
