found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
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