My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
