Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
What happened to fro yo and sex?
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Randomize
