Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
Vodka?
Forever.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Randomize
