I wanna bring you to show and tell
Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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