I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
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