Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
