this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
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