i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
Randomize
