I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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