I like to think it a success when the cops are called
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
Mom said you looked used
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
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