Is it normal to miss your booty call?
I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
Randomize
