why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
Randomize
