I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
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