Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
