why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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