Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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