OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
Randomize
