Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
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