What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
Randomize
