so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
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okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
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He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
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