first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
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