We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
of course. lets lasso hookers.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
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