wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
Randomize
