Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
Randomize
