Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
Randomize
