He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
Randomize
