Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
Randomize
