i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
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