DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Randomize
