Plan B is the new Plan A
we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
Randomize
