I wish I could punch you in the face.
i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
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