i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
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