Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
Randomize
