why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
Randomize
