awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
Just saw 2 very young girls abandon baby buggys in the Xwalk to fight. Gotta love Holyoke.
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
