Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
Randomize
