mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
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