Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
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I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
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I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
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