I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
handjob tips. give me some.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
Randomize
