based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
Randomize
