apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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