I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
My breasts were aching with rage.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
