I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
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