I'm really into asian looking animals
if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Randomize
