Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
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