it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
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