You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
Randomize
