my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
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