nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
