i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
Randomize