Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
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