Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
smell my finger.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
Im part way to drunk.
Randomize
