hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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