Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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