too bad you live with your parents still
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
Randomize
